Listen to Your Inner Psychic

I have debated whether I truly had the confidence to share this story. Looking back it seems a bit, well, insane, however I believe it is a valuable metaphor for what people will do to get validation for what they already know to be true. Please don't make any judgments about my sanity (at least until you have read the entire book) as each step of the way provides insight and lessons that will build on the next.

First, though, before we go into the "reading room" I want to share a little bit about my history so you will have an understanding of where the wide-eyed, trusting, 'wanting-to-find-the-purpose' girl emerges as you take this journey with me.

I was an unusual child. I was born with a passion for self-growth. Even as a small child, I remember being the one to whom people came for advice. If other children were thrown out of the sandbox, I was the one who befriended them, explaining that it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with the bully. I seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to understanding interpersonal dynamics.

As a child, I remember my mother taking the kids to the library. After all of the other children rushed in for story hour, I would sneak into the self-help section. I can still remember the feeling. Even as a kid, I knew that the words self-help had a stigma attached to them. I wasn't sure if I was even allowed to read those books; some of them included grown-up words like "intimacy" and "relationships". Luckily, the card catalog was strategically placed so that you couldn't see the self-help section from the kiddy corner so I knew I was in the clear, at least for a while. I read books on everything from intimate relationships and happiness to discovering yourself and listening to your intuition. I was absolutely fascinated.

Fast-forward twenty-five years. I have gained a wealth of knowledge and am passionate about helping women discover themselves and learn how to attract anything they desire in their lives. For the last four years, I have worked for one of the world's leading experts on personal development. My job involves traveling around the globe as a coach and mentor to the people who attend these seminars.

It took me a lot longer than most to learn the lesson that you must love yourself first, before anyone else can love you, and to always listen to your inner psychic. In my early years of dating, my mother and my aunt told me to always be myself. It sounded so simple and obvious. It wasn't. It took me thirty years, tens of thousands of dollars spent on self-discovery and motivational seminars, a month spent at an ashram in meditation with swamis, countless visits to a therapist, hundreds of books, different churches and religious organizations and many failed relationships to learn this lesson. The funny thing is that pretty much everyone was saying the same thing. The swami said the secret is to "know thyself." The therapist encouraged me to know who I really am. The motivational speakers advised me to know my purpose. But I did not emotionally understand any of this. All I knew was that I desperately wanted a sense of inner contentment. I wanted to find romance and love. I wanted to be fulfilled in my career. I seemed to fail no matter how hard I tried. Then I realized something. It is not as complicated as we women make it. If you can discover how to tap into your intuition, become your own psychic, and to learn who you are and what you stand for, you can truly be yourself and attain anything you desire. The secret is to become your own psychic. As we embark on this journey, you will discover things you never knew about yourself and some that you did, but were not brave enough to listen to, until now.

Speaking of courage, it will take all of mine to share this part of the story. It is a ridiculous tale that, in the end, served as a powerful impetus to constantly and consistently listen to my inner psychic.

I had just returned from a busy week in Los Angeles where I had been running the production for some very special personal development events, including one on leadership and another on designing your destiny. At the time I was struggling with a personal issue. Well, struggling is not exactly accurate. If I were honest with myself, I would have to say I was avoiding making a decision that I knew in my heart needed to be made. With a lot on my mind and too many responsibilities to attend to, I was distracted and stressed during the conference. As I walked into the packed conference room, I heard the trainer say some very important words from the stage. These words were extremely powerful, so much so, that they will show up again in a chapter of their own. I won't share them now because I think they will resonate more powerfully for you if they unfold along the journey as they did for me.

I have read many different personal development books and concepts. Hundreds actually, and I learn something from all of them. There are definitely lessons that stand out. I learned one of my favorites from Carolyn Myss who is one of the world's most famous medical intuitive. She explains how a thought triggers physiological changes in your brain, and how once you have had this thought it is it is physically and cellular impossible to go on living your life the way you had before that thought occurred. The words that I heard that day resonated with me deeply and I knew that I would have to react. If I had learned the lesson of being your own psychic then, I would have saved a great deal of money, pride and heartache.

When I returned home to San Francisco for a weeklong respite before the next conference, my car was in the shop and my computer was being fixed from an unfortunate tea accident with a colleague so I had a whole day free, which is a rarity for me. Normally when I work production for events I am exhausted so I like to spend the day pampering myself and recharging my batteries. I decided that is was going to be a "Date with Bonnie" day, and I was going to spend the entire day doing whatever I wanted.

I got dressed and remembered that I wanted to exchange a purse I bought at a store down the street. When I got there, the boutique was not yet open. Glancing across the street, I noticed a bus stop. I had never before ridden public transportation in San Francisco, and decided to give it a try. If you have read any of my other books, or listened to my radio show, you know I love adventure so I jumped on feeling excited to see where the bus would take me, no destination in mine. We drove through San Francisco's many distinctive neighborhoods, all different from each other, and I watched people get off and on the bus. We made our way through the Marina, Pacific Heights, Chinatown, and the Tenderloin. I took in all of the different sights, sounds and smells, enjoying the journey. Full of twists and turns, with no clear destination, it was a great metaphor for my life: I have an idea of what I would like to happen, but I'm smart enough to know not to get attached to my plans.

After about an hour, we ventured downtown where I noticed some great buildings. Bloomingdale's caught my eye and suddenly I had an idea. I got off at 5th and Mission streets, home to one of the greatest shopping malls in San Francisco. Also, home to one of my all time favorite day spas.

I climbed the escalator to the top floor, thrilled to see the luxurious entrance to my favorite spa. Pulling open the heavy oversized wooden door, I was transported inside an oasis of tranquility and comfort. As often happens when you are living in the moment, all things started to align. I asked the receptionist if she had any appointments available and of course she did. I couldn't have been happier as massages are one of my favorite activities, especially after an exhausting week at a work event. I was escorted into the women' locker room where I undressed and put on my robe. I immediately noticed my mind filling with thoughts of gratitude for how much fun I was having by simply following my instincts with an open mind and sense of adventure.

I spent the next hour splashing around the hot tub with cucumber slices on my eyes while sipping orange infused water. Some time later, a girl named Marie gave me a fabulous massage. Afterwards, in a wonderfully fuzzy state of deep relaxation, I stumbled into the "Quiet Room" for a few minutes. Or so I thought. Only, I woke up three hours later, and couldn't believe I had spent the majority of the day at the spa. This was living! As I awoke, displaced and a bit confused, I stumbled back to the women's locker room carefully showering with all of the luxurious aromatherapy products. I got dressed, paid by tab, and made my way back down the zigzag of elevators to the hustle and bustle of the busy city street. I felt fantastic! Completely revived and refreshed. It was as if the previous seven-day stint of fourteen-hour workdays had never happened.

Feeling energetic, I decided to walk home. I strode through the busy downtown area, through a rougher section and then crossed Market Street to cut through the city hall area. I was in awe of the majestic buildings that I had never noticed before. I toured my way through these beautiful old buildings and decided to take in all of the sites and walk clear across the city towards home. It seemed the perfect ending to a perfect day.

~Listening to Your Inner Psychic~

The first part of realizing how to listen to your inner psychic is learning what is truly important to you. What do you really value in your life? What will you absolutely not stand for, and what is essential for you to be happy in life and in your relationships?

The first thing you should do is get a notebook that you can use throughout these exercises. Start the notebook by making a list of everything in your life that is important. Be as detailed and specific as you like. Write down everything that makes you happy, everything that you enjoy and everything that you like about yourself. Decide what you absolutely need to be fulfilled. Determine what changes you need to make to be the woman you were born to be.

The list is the easy part. Now, look over your list and highlight all of the qualities that you already possess. Most likely, you will realize that you do not practice or exemplify some of the areas that are most important to you. Highlight these areas; they will be your opportunities for improvement and growth. It is critical that you be brutally honest with yourself because these are qualities that, once developed, will help you to become your true self and be open to attracting anything you desire. These qualities will help bring you a sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

So often in life, we don't realize what isn't working. We try to rearrange things in our lives and to look externally to find happiness. Many of us will enter into new relationships or careers only to achieve the same result each time. We continue to blame our failures on others or on our jobs. For example, as women, we may spend much of our time waiting for a man to send us roses rather than planting and cultivating our own rose garden. With our own garden, we can have gorgeous roses anytime we want.

It is important to have a clear, concise vision of who you truly are. You can refer to this as your "psychic sentence." Once you have created this sentence, live by it. I developed mine at a seminar about eight years ago. I can honestly say that I live by it and make sure that all of my decisions and choices support it. I am happy to share it with you to give you an idea of how to get started. Mine reads: "The purpose of my life is to have passion, health, and happiness, and to spread love and joy to others."

It is very helpful to become intimately familiar with your psychic sentence. Once you have designed it, write it down on some special paper and decorate it. Place a copy on your bathroom mirror and another copy on your desk at work. Repeat it to yourself throughout the day. Repeat it while you are working out or going for a walk. Keep repeating it to yourself until it becomes a part of who you are. Once you begin to focus on your psychic statement and who you truly are, I guarantee that you will start to see changes in all areas of your life.

The following chapters will guide you through discovering the most important areas of your life, as well as ways to tap into your intuition to get clarity. These areas, when mastered, will help you create abundance in all areas of your life. Their mastery will guide you to create ultimate love and acceptance of yourself. You will develop a deep trust in your intuitive voice to steer you in the right direction. The most important part is to trust in the process and enjoy the journey.

Many practices in the field of personal development can lead to a state of increased openness and intuition. I will introduce many of them to you in a short period, and I am hoping that you will try some on and figure out which work best with your lifestyle. Many different paths are available to you and I am happy to share mine. Keep in mind that these are just a few of the tools that worked for me. I encourage you to find out what will work best for you.

Some days I feel as though every single word spoken by every person I come across is a lesson that I need to hear. Whether it is from a taxi driver, the grocery store cashier, or a friend, the lesson is there. This is an excellent place to be, but it took me many years to learn how to be here. It's not a linear journey like arriving at a destination after hard work, but rather, it's a daily practice and mindset that has made me continually grateful, continually growing and at peace with myself.

Here are some of the tools that have helped me on my journey:

- Journaling. Most every girl at some stage in her life has had a small pink book with a gold lock and the word, "Diary" on it. You may have kept yours on the top shelf of your closet or under your bed, and filled with all of the thoughts and secrets that you didn't want to share with anyone. I didn't realize when I was young how powerful a tool journaling can be and how it contributed to my growth. It can also be extremely therapeutic as an excellent form of release.

My best friend has strict orders to destroy my journals should anything tragic ever happen to me. I journal to work through all the problems that I don't want to burden anyone else with. For me, my journal serves as the perfect place to vent, to safely divulge all of my secrets, challenges, and fears-a sacred place where I can be as negative or as unresourcefull as I need to be without being judged. By writing my problems down, I end up finding my own solutions. I am able to get out all of my anger and frustration, and by the end of my writing, I can see the positive aspects of the situation and create new solutions. If instead of putting my thoughts on paper, I just vent frustration and anger to a girlfriend, it feels as if I have just added fuel to the fire and not solved anything. Journaling is also an excellent tool to write down everything that you desire in your life. It is a safe place to create your wish lists or to document all of your blessings and write about the things for which you are grateful.

- Meditation. Meditation is another excellent tool to help you solve problems throughout your journey. You can meditate many different ways, and there is no right or wrong way to meditate. Meditation can be as simple as sitting quietly and clearing your mind. Once all of the noise and clutter are gone, answers to troubling questions often miraculously appear. It is also a practice that you can use anywhere. Once you learn the skill of quieting your mind, you can access this skill while driving or waiting in line at the supermarket. For some people, it helps to join an organized group to learn how to meditate. A great way to find a meditation group is to check into any local Buddhist temple or Eastern religious organization. There are also many great audio and video programs that you can purchase for use at home.

- Massage. I believe that all of your experiences and emotions are stored somewhere in your body. These tensions may be holding you back from your dreams and desires. Massage is an excellent way to calm and quiet your mind to allow these feelings to surface so that you can process them. There are a few things you should consider when choosing a massage therapist. First, find someone with whom you are comfortable. Massage is an extremely intimate process, and to get the maximum benefit from your experience, it is important that you feel safe and comfortable. Second, find a massage therapist who has similar beliefs, who also believes that emotions and experiences are stored within your body and can be released through massage. It is not uncommon to experience a period of intense emotion or crying for a while after a massage. This happens because you are releasing and processing stored emotions at a deep cellular level. Once you experience the emotion or situation, you are able to move forward with what you want in your life. If you do not process these emotions, they can act as stumbling blocks when you enter into relationships.

- Yoga. Like massage, yoga is designed to release stress and tension that can be stored throughout your body. It is common to start yoga with a meditation or a series of breathing exercises, which complement your meditation practice. There are many modalities of yoga to choose from so you will have to decide which type and level is best for you. I recommend a gentle modality such as hatha yoga. It is also important to find a studio and instructor with whom you feel very comfortable and who shares your beliefs. These days, there are multiple yoga studios in many communities. If you are having trouble finding a studio specifically for yoga, most gyms offer a variety of classes.

- Exercise. Exercise can also be used as a tool to help you on your path to self-discovery. In addition to the overall health benefits and the endorphin boost, exercise can be meditative. My sport of choice is the triathlon. I discovered the triathlon about eight years ago and immediately realized how valuable it is for helping me process thoughts and emotions. I have resolved major challenges while training for races. In fact, I thought of the concept for this book while training for an Ironman triathlon. I was out on the bike for seven hours that day. There were periods of that ride that were so tough. I needed anything I could find to get the ride off my mind. I found that if I could focus on something else, I could ride the hills more energetically. I discovered that whenever you face challenges in life, focusing on something else helps you take your mind off the problem until you discover a solution.

Another great exercise to do when you're looking for answers is swimming. Once you get into the rhythm of your swim workout, it's easy to focus on a mantra or meditate. While training for another triathalon, I swam in the evening. I found that no matter what state of mind I was in when I arrived at the pool, once I was finished, I felt amazing and had a clear head.

Running is also extremely therapeutic. I like to use my time running to repeat a mantra. For example, if I am in need of a certain attribute in my life, I will repeat that attribute over and over again. If I have a presentation coming up that I am nervous about, I will repeat, "I am knowledgeable, powerful, and confident" throughout my entire run. I find that once I am finished, these traits just seem to come naturally to me.

- Peers. Your peer group is also essential to your success along your journey. It is important that you surround yourself with people who are like-minded and who will support you during your different stages of learning. On the other hand, you may find that there are certain friends or family members from whom you need to distance yourself during this process. At the peak of my self-discovery, I actually decided to move away from my current lifestyle, peer group, and family. I moved from San Francisco where I had grown up to San Diego. For me, this change was necessary, not because my friends and family were bad people-quite the opposite. Rather, it was because I needed space to grow. During this time, all of my girlfriends were getting married. That may seem like an exaggeration, but I actually attended twelve weddings that summer. Along with that, for each wedding there were multiple showers, bachelorette parties and engagement parties. This was a huge wound for me. I wanted to be at this same place in life, getting married and starting my life with someone. The entire focus of my peer group during those two years was weddings. About the same time, I had just ended a three-year relationship so I was balancing my happiness for my friends with my own grief at my lost relationship. I knew, at that point in my life, I was on an accelerated growth path and I needed to be true to myself and go on this journey.

I was constantly reminded me that I didn't have what I wanted in my life and it seemed that everyone else did. Second, I didn't feel as if I could relate to my friends the same way anymore. Understandably, their focus was entirely on weddings and starting the next phase of their lives. I felt alone and unable to relate to them, and vice versa. A third challenge I faced was to examine my current situation as well as the choices that I had made in the past that didn't give me the results I wanted. A big part of this process was to examine my belief system and how I grew up. I found it difficult to be in such close proximity to my family while I was going through this process. When you are close to your family it is very easy to slip into family roles that you played during your younger years rather than acting as the person you are today.

I moved to San Diego without knowing a single person there. Everything was new to me. I didn't have one friend with whom to hang out. My job was new; my studio was new. It took me about six months before I had any semblance of a social life. I would go home from work at 6 o'clock each night and read, process, and design what I truly wanted out of my life. What was great about it was that I was able to learn what was important to me and what I needed in friendships. I was able to meet people who were interested in the same activities as I was. I was able to form deep, intimate friendships. I remained very close with my friends from San Francisco, but at the same time, I had developed a new, more mindful way of living for myself. I was able to design my dream life and have it full of everything that made me happy and fulfilled. I had gone from doing the same things every weekend that I had done all through college to having a life full of growth, challenge, and intimacy. You may not need to go to the same extremes that I did, but I wanted to share my story to let you know that it's possible to create a rewarding, supportive, loving peer group even in a new environment.

- Daily prayers and gratitude. The last tool I will share with you in this chapter is the practice of daily prayers and gratitude, something that has helped me immensely. This is a simple practice of stating what you are grateful for each day, as well as soliciting what you would like to manifest into your life. It does not matter what your religious beliefs are. This is a practice that anyone can use. Each morning I like to go sit outside, preferably at the beach and state everything and everyone I am grateful for in my life. I find that even on days when I feel as though nothing is going right, my gratitude list goes on and on. This activity in itself makes me feel great and usually I forget about what was bothering me. I practice stating my intentions the same way every day. I ask my higher power to bless me with whatever it is I feel I need, such as strength or compassion. I think you will find that just identifying what it is you need, as well as focusing on it, usually attracts these things into your life. I also recommend using this time to ask your higher power to bless anyone in your life with whatever they desire.

I have just shared a handful of the tools that I have found valuable on my path toward learning how to listen to my inner voice. I know that these will be useful for you. All of these tools are designed to help you gain clarity and to realize what you truly desire in your life. Enjoy them!

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